Friday Funny: A Cyclist Says What?


DISCLAIMER: Loyal readers, you KNOW I like to poke fun of just about everything. I mean I once wrote a humorist rant about sedation gynecology (still think it’s a good idea if for no other reason it keeps me from saying something stupid to my doctor like “Oh that’s so gonna cost you a roofie.”) so you KNOW nothing is off-limits for my warped mind.  I love my new bike, I love the adventure. And like everything else I love, I love to poke fun.Most of my cycling rants are very much tongue in cheek – if by some small chance a REAL cyclist reads my blog – cut me some slack kay? TY

A local cycling enthusiast posted this on Twitter today for levity sake I’m sure. The first time I watched it, my brain started to freeze up. That’s a lot of new words. The second time I watched it, I laughed. Dear Readers: Please promise that if I become like the guys in this video you will slap me, kay?

I’ve learned four words in the last two months. I know Carbon, Kit, Toe Clips, and trainer (Which isn’t a bra by the way). Those are the only cycling related words I know right now. I’m happy with those words. Carbon means a really light frame, a kit is what I need if I get a flat (unlike my car, my bike doesn’t come with AAA), Toe Clips are the sadomasochistic buggers attached to the pedals that tried to kill me, and the trainer is a metal contraption used to lock your bike in place while riding indoors – kind of like Madonna’s bras back in the 80’s?

A lot of cyclers do speak about “Spin Classes” and somehow I don’t think it has anything to do with yarn. One guy twittered about doing 20 miles in an hour at a spin class with his wife. I’m an ADD redhead, I have been spinning at 90 to nothing my whole life. 20 miles does not sound impressive. I’m kidding. Okay so I understand FIVE words. Yeah me!

I have only two a few questions:

  1. Is fartlicking anything like what the boys learned how to do that one late night while at church camp?
  2. Does it involve bic lighters and a dark room?
  3. Is “peaking too early” really a phrase guys want to be using in public?
  4. What is”Bonking?” It sounds like one of those words you don’t want your mother to know, you know?
If you don’t ride or do triathlons you won’t understand these words either, but enjoy the video anyway kay?  Have a great weekend y’all!

6 thoughts on “Friday Funny: A Cyclist Says What?

  1. Thanks Jim. I got injured playing softball a few years back. That injury put me out of contention for something I really wanted – a chance to compete with my Tai Chi / Shaolin team in China. Long story. I dropped out of sports and my body, used to training two hours a day, packed on the weight. I’m trying to get back in shape, for me this time. Not easy at 46, but worth it.

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  2. 1. Fartlek (not Fartlick) means “Speed Play” in Swedish speak. It means interval training. People say fartlek in lieu of interval training because it a) sounds funny and b) makes them sound more “pro”. Sounding more “pro” is obviously silly if you are not indeed a pro.
    2. No.
    3. Yes. Peaking too early means you “pushed” too hard too soon, causing one to “bonk” (see 4). Pushing is not quite as obnoxious as it may sound. That means racing at a level in excess of one’s training which is quite common when one enters a race that one has wanted to compete in for much of one’s life – a dream race call it. It happens in races as short as 10 miles – in fact it happened to me at about mile 8.5. I was on pace to finish in under 8 minutes a mile and ended up crossing the line at 89 minutes – I peaked too early.
    4. Bonking is when one doesn’t eat or drink enough before or during a race. Bonking is common in Toughman and Ironman competitions because they last six and twelve hours (or thereabouts) respectively. Bonking can also happen in half marathons (rare) and marathons (more common). It is not pretty. Your body basically shuts down which can lead to one being “pooched” in a the back of an ambulance. This is a bonk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgStAPQhA3M Notice, he was too dehydrated… That means he didn’t drink enough, which lead to said bonk. Pooched pretty much means what you think it does.

    Not giving you a hard time, just helping you understand four or five more words.

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      1. It’s all good, I thought the fartlick question was hilarious. Truthfully, that video, spoof as it is, was made to point out exactly how silly people can sound. Just keep pedaling and remember, unless you’re super fast (and I’m not), it’s all about the fun and the exercise.

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  3. You had me at “sedation gynecology” – could you point me to that if it is posted and if not, could you puh-LEESE post it because the GYN visits rank for right up there for me with a poke in the eye with a sharp stick and a midnight fire at sea…

    “That is SO gonna cost you a roofie…” I have to find a way to work that line into daily conversation with my BFF…

    Have a good weekend, Deana.

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